


Consequences? Never heard of her

by Lallaina



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Couch Cuddles, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, From exhaustion, Hurt/Comfort, I have genuinely no idea, Light Angst, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Self-Esteem Issues, Sleepy Cuddles, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, This does count as angst right?, breakdown - Freeform, self-deprication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lallaina/pseuds/Lallaina
Summary: Janus wanted to be listened to more than anything. He would be willing to pour hours and hours into studying philosophy and history for it, he would be willing to sleep less and less so he can be ready when his opportunity comes to prove himself.And he does, and then he proves himself. Thomas accepted him.So why does he feel... hollow?A.k.a. Janus works himself to bone, he feels under more and more pressure to help Thomas' deteriorating mental health, and when he finally gets the chance, the adrenaline that kept him moving leaves. This is what happens then.Do not repost on any other site!
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 8
Kudos: 88





	Consequences? Never heard of her

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ive_never_read_fluff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/gifts).



> Shoutout to Ive_never_read_fluff, who is the most adorable person on the face of the earth, and deserves all the love!
> 
> Tw for Self-Deprication, if you are sensitive skip the paragraph starting with: „I had my shot, and I failed."
> 
> Also, the self-esteem issues are not addressed in this fic, although they are pretty mild, if you are sensitive to that, then please don't read this, or at least proceed with caution!
> 
> Minor tw for some disturbing imagery and one innuedo, because Remus.
> 
> Please stay safe out there!

They were on this for more than 2 years now.

It first started when Janus tried to expand on his function as Deceit. He spent a lot of time examining the „light sides”, their mannerisms, and how they reacted to things, so when the opportunity came, he could step in in any of their places.

He needed to help protect Thomas, in case of a bad situation he didn’t want him to have to suffer dire consequences that could have been avoided with a little white lie. Of course the others wouldn’t let Thomas have a break, and would make him take responsibility for every little thing he did, the goody two-shoes.

But then his attempt went horribly, Thomas chose Patton over him, when he wasn’t even there! Which is ridiculous, but Janus supposes not everyone can be as slick as himself, and this is precisely why Thomas needed his help.

After that Janus knew he couldn’t outright convince him to lie. But that became less and less of a priority, as Thomas started to be more and more busy with his work. And his friends. And family and fans, and then a new channel and even more work.

It was slowly – but surely – getting out of hand. And now Janus knew what he needed to do.

Janus dug through Logan’s library, examined philosophy and historical books, and poured over newspaper articles about different dilemmas, everything and anything related to morality or questioning what’s good and what’s bad. Meanwhile maintaining his functions – well, mostly his function as Deceit, as his other aspects were used less and less.

He knew he needed to approach the situation from another angle. He needed to find a chip in the other sides’ defence, to wiggle his way into Thomas’ life, and he could only do it if he could explain why Thomas’ decision-making process was faulty.

He needed a new opportunity, but even more, he needed to be ready for that opportunity. If he couldn’t prove to Thomas that he was right without a shadow of a doubt, he will not listen to him. Janus could see that now very clearly.

~

But then, the opportunity came!

And he failed.

He could hardly stand when he rose up in the dark sides commons. He wanted to scream and pull his hair out, but he wasn’t in his room yet, and didn’t want to cause undue distress for Remus.

But wherever distress was the Duke would find it without a fault.

So he was in Janus’ neck a few moments later. „Ohohoho, where were you slithering, my sexy serpent, and what’s up with all the doom and gloom? Did somebody die? Is it Patton? Please say it’s Patton, I would love to dissect him and see if he has normal organs, or just marshmallow and fluff and all that disguasting junk flow through him!” He bounced excitedly about the thought of a dissection, but stopped immediately when he felt Janus start shake with effort of holding him up.

Remus let Janus go, and twirled him by his shoulders to look at his face. „What happened, DeeDee?”

„I had my shot, and I failed. I had my opportunity, and I couldn’t take it! I did everything right, I cornered Patton, I put Roman up to decide, I put Virgil on the side, so he wouldn’t be able to talk as much, and I even benched Logan! And it wasn’t enough! I wasn’t enough!” Janus was so upset, he felt like he will cry out of frustration. No, he won’t cry over something as stupid as failing at something he spent a year preparing for! He was angry! He was angry at Thomas for not seeing he was right! He was angry at the other sides for being stupid! He was angry at himself for not being good enough to explain it so they would see reality.

Remus nudged him toward the couch and pushed him to sit down. „They are stupid for not seeing that they are stupid, Snakey, but you will have other opportunities! It’s not like Thomas won’t get into trouble in the future.” He went to get a blanket for Janus.

„I thought I was prepared, I read so much, I thought up every argument and counter-argument they could make, and I thought I won! How could they not see what they make Thomas do all the time? Am I that bad that they would rather make him miserable than to listen to me?”

„Jan, it’s not your fault, the others always had addled egg soup in their skull! Maybe I could go and make it come out! Then we could cook up new brains for them!” Remus tried to console him, putting a blanket around Janus’ shoulders and hugging him. But what he said gave Janus an idea.

„Maybe it’s time for you to do that.”

And as for Janus, he needed to go back to the drawing board. Think up new plans made with even more caution, prepare more materials, and more failsafes.

~

„And I know how much you love these constant dilemmas, so please; keep ovethinking everything.” Janus sank out while trying to withhold a sigh.

As he rose up he felt weird. He did so much work in the last two years for this moment, to get accepted and be able to help Thomas without constantly having to manipulate everyone, and now that it finally came, he felt…

He felt… nothing.

He should have felt happy, he knew that. But he didn’t, Janus only felt hollow, and he didn’t know why.

„What are you doing here?” Asked a hostile voice. Janus belatedly realized that the voice belonged to Virgil. But what was Virgil doing in his room?

The world came back in focus, and with that the realization that Virgil wasn’t in his room. No, Janus was in the light side’s commons.

„Dude, uh, you okay?” Virgil was perched on the couch, headphones in one hand, tentatively leaning a little closer. Janus looked at him with slightly creased brows.

„Huh?”

„What happened? You look.. out of it?” Janus’ knees chose that exact moment to decice not to work anymore, and he would have dropped to the floor would the couch not have been right next to him. With a little leaning on his right side, Janus successfully maneuvered himself half on the couch, and he only hit one knee on the carpet, and his hip on the frame.

Virgil hopped to his feet in alarm. „Janus, what the hell? Are you okay?”

Janus wanted to respond, he really did. But the words just stuck in his mouth, he couldn’t get them out. He wanted to say he was okay, wanted to laugh at Virgil and tell him how Thomas now accepted him despite Virgil’s best efforts.

He opened his mouth again to snark Virgil into leavin him alone – just because he got accepted he wasn’t suddenly a light side – but instead of his voice, a sob came out.

Virgil’s eyes went as wide as saucepans. Janus never cried, not when King Creativity split, not when he was thrown into the subconcious, not when Virgil left them to come to the light side. What the heck happened?

He rushed at Janus’ side, and helped him up on the couch. „Are you okay? Of course you’re not okay, you wouldn’t have just buckled like that if you were okay! What’s wrong? What can I do?” Virgil started to get himself more and more worked up, and Janus couldn’t have that.

With some difficulty he finally could get a word out. „Blanket.”

„Are you cold? You never reacted like this to cold before? Did you always react like this to the cold? Did you hide it from us?” Janus sent a vaguely pointed look at Virgil, which made him shut up. He didn’t actually need a blanket, he just wanted to give Virgil something to do, so he wouldn’t have a panic attack, right next to him, when he didn’t even know if he could help him.

But the look helped to tip Virgil out of his immediate panic and get him into a more task-oriented mindspace. He jumped up and went to get the blanket.

He came back just moments later with what looked like half the blankets the light sides owned, and threw them to the couch next to Janus. He tucked one over him, then another, then another, then stopped. „Should I hug you? It would help with warming you up. I know you might not want me touch you right now, because we… Because of what happened, but if you need heat it would be faster and better for you to let me, than to just try and…” Janus nodded trying to cut Virgil off. Cuddling always helped with his anxiety, and if he gave Janus a little time to think, he was sure he could get himself under control again to leave and get to his room.

Virgil started to adjust him so he could slip under and cuddle Janus, when Patton came down. Because of course he would.

He stopped for a moment and Virgil froze.

„Is everything alright, kiddos? Why does Janus have three blankets on him?” He was already worried, because of course he was.

„How do you know his name?” Virgil being Virgil immediately caught the most out of order detail in the sentence. Well, out of order before today.

„We just did a video, kiddo, and… Well, the short story is that Janus is now accepted, because we can see how much he brings to the table.”

And for some inexplicable reason, Janus’ mounth chose that exact moment to let out a loud sob again.

Which of course didn’t help the situation at all, and just made both the other sides even more alarmed.

„Pat, I don’t know what’s up with him, he just showed up, didn’t respond to anything and then dropped like a sack of potatoes. And then he started sobbing! I didn’t know what to do, then he asked for a blanket, and I got some for him, because I thought he might be cold, but if he’s cold then he would need more heat than he can produce, so I…”

„Virgil” Janus could see Virgil was working himself up again, so he cut in weakly.

„What, what can we do? Can I bring you some soup, Janus?” Patton asked while already halfway to the kitchen.

„No, you could leave him alone, asswipes!” Well, wherever the distress the Duke will find it.

He rose up, persumably feeling all three of them, and he was already striding towards Janus, who was still half in Virgil’s arms on the couch, wrapped in three blankets. And still generally unresponsive.

Virgil was never afraid of Remus, because although he spewed out disturbing imagery like a broken aquarium spewed water and fish, but he was harmless otherwise. He had a mounth full of filth and a head full of potty humor, but Virgil always knew he would never harm him or Janus ever.

But now that the Duke was closing in on Virgil with large strides and thunder on his face, Virgil felt like that was more of a choice on his part, not a trait in his character.

But before he could get to them, Patton stopped him on his tracks with a question. „Do you know why he’s like this? We didn’t do anything to him, we are just trying to help.”

The Duke turned slowly on his heels to face him. „You tried to help.”

„Yes, we did.” Patton, for his benefit, didn’t flich when the Duke’s stare landed on him.

„You tried to help.”

„Yes. If you don’t believe me, ask Thomas. He accepted Janus just now, he knows we wouldn’t try to harm him.” Patton tried to explain, but if he thought this would soothe the murderous side before him, he was wildly mistaken.

Remus exploded. „You think just because you finally got out of your own backsides and accepted him, now everything is okay?! Do you have any idea how much stress he was under in the last months?! No, for more than two years now?! He was doing nothing but studying and planning what he could do to convince you to believe him that Thomas needs his input! He barely slept the last few months, I couldn’t get him to anything but read and prepare! Because if you didn’t believe him again, he may have had to wait another year, and he knew that Thomas couldn’t last that long with how little he cares for himself! He worked himself to exhaustion and back, just so he wouldn’t have to see Thomas break! So he broke himself instead!”

„Enough.” They were all surprised to hear Janus’ still weak voice cut in.

„They need to know what they did to you, you can’t hide it forever, and they need to…”

„Please.” Janus whispered. And that broke the dam. He started to sob again, but now he couldn’t stop. He started to cry, his tears running down his face, and loud sobs escaping occasionally. Virgil instinctively pulled him closer, and enveloped him in a full hug, which just made Janus sob louder.

Then Remus and Patton were next to the couch too, and Remus pulled up the blankets so he could get under them and hug Janus from the front. Patton sat down on the back-rest next to Janus’ head, and pulled his hat off, and started to rake his fingers through his hair. „Don’t worry, we are here. We’re not going anywhere. I’m so sorry that we treated you this way, but it will never happen again. We will be here when you need us. I’m so proud of you, you were so strong for so long. You were amazing, and you were right. We will be here for you now, you never have to do this again.” He soothed Janus with gentle whispers of assurances, with Virgil and Remus adding their own here and there.

And Janus cried, and he cried for a long time. For all the stress he felt at the immediate dismissal the others always greeted him with, he cried for all the stress he was under for so long, and he cried out his desperation and the hoplessness of sleepless study-nights when he felt like he could never be enough for the light sides, and especially for Thomas.

It took almost an hour for him to start to calm down, his sobs to lessen. He was still cradled by Virgil and hugged by Remus, and Patton was still playing with his hair soothingly. „Are you feeling better?” He asked Janus gently, and Janus nodded. „Can you talk?”

„Yes” He said with a raspy voice.

„That’s good, kiddo.” Patton smiled softly. „Would you like to eat something? Your throat would probably be grateful for some soup, I’d imagine. I could also put it in a mug, if you would prefer that to eating it from a bowl.” He offered.

„Yes, that. That would be good, thank you.” Janus thought he never felt more exhausted in his life, but he didn’t eat before Thomas got home, and he knew he needed something before going to sleep. Virgil started to pull away, but Janus caught his arm and pulled him back.

Virgil chuckled and teased him softly. „Cuddly snake?”

„You’re just warm, don’t get any ideas.” Janus sniffled.

„Ideas like you wanting us close and cuddles?” Virgil asked, again with a teasing smile. He and Remus knew Janus loved when the snuggled up on one of their bed under multiple blankets, and not just for the heat.

„Precisely not those.” Janus said regally, as he wiggled closer to him while also pulling Remus closer, the latter chuckling at his antics.

Patton came back with the mug of soup, and he helped Janus take it, and was hovering close while he drank, so that if his slightly trembling hands would not hold out till he finished, he could catch the mug in time.

When Janus finished it, and he took the cup, Patton smiled at him. „I assume you want to sleep now, would you like me pull out this couch? If you want, all three of you can sleep on it with plenty of space left over.”

Janus looked shyly down for moment, but then he caught himself, and looked back at Patton with a smidge more confidently. „Yess, that would be… agreeable.”

Patton beamed at him. „Great! Then I’m gonna ask the boys to get up, and help, but you don’t have to move, don’t worry.”

As Virgil started get out from half under Janus, Remus stood up and instead of letting him go, he just pulled Janus up, and into a bridal style hold. „It’s easier for you guys to arrange the couch this way, and I have an excuseto not help out.” And he winked down at Janus with a big, toothy grin, who couldn’t hold back a little giggle. Patton cooed at them with the biggest heart-eyes he could make, because he felt like he will faint from all the cuteness that those two were together right now. Virgil, who was already getting the cushions off the couch laughed at the picture softly.

When Remus finally lowered Janus down the newly adjusted bed, and they arranged themseves to snuggle suitably close, Patton smiled at them. „You three are truly the cutest,” a look at Virgil starting to pout „scariest cuddle pile in the whole world.” His smile grew even bigger at the little blush blooming on their faces, but the sad look that flit through his eyes didn’t escape Janus’ sleepy, but still sharp attention.

Even though he was in the middle, he raised the blanket on Virgil’s side, eliciting a little hiss from him as the cold air touched Virgil’s back. „Plenty o’ sspace here, you could join if ’ou want.” He slurred out the invitation.

Patton stopped for a moment, surprised, but after a moment of consideration, he asked Remus. „If you wouldn’t mind either. We cuddled with Virgil before, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

„Nah, you can join in on the fun, it’s always better with more peolpe.” Remus wiggled his eyebrow. „Tho we’ll need to talk tomorrow, becasue if you ever make JanJan feel like this ever again, I’ll have to make soup bowls out of all your skulls, and who would I go around scaring then?” He asked lightly, but Patton saw the glint in his eyes.

„That sounds like a solid plan, kiddo.” He understood where Remus was coming from, he also didn’t want to repeat the experiences of this afternoon. He didn’t want to see Janus this distressed ever again.

So he climbed under the blanket to cuddle up to Virgil, and settled into the warmth of the already half asleep pile. „Goodnight, kiddos.”

„Don’t let the monsters under the bed bite!” Exclaimed Remus happily from the other side.

Virgil also mumbled his goodnight, but Janus didn’t hear it. He was already asleep, and warmer than he was in many, many years.

And if tomorrow morning, when Logan came down and smiled at the state of the living room? Nobody needed to know.

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Janus got like 4 full sentences in the whole story! Next time I gotta make that right, the world needs more sassy-snarky snake boi.
> 
> If you found any typo, or you have any constructive criticism (or just want to yell/key smash at me if you enjoyed the fic), please leave a comment, I'll be happy to read it!


End file.
